When Shannan Martin writes about community, I can feel the crunch of leaves and see the cloud filled skies as she walk in her neighborhood. I have been reading her newest book Start With Hello as part of my morning devotion time. Today she described her experiences accompanying her children to and from school when they were elementary age. After some time driving them the short distance, she made the choice to make the trip by foot no matter what the weather conditions. Martin tells about the people she would see as they also made the same journey.

I was immediately transported back to when my son was in elementary school and we lived nearby. I usually drove him to school and picked him up in the afternoons. We did not live very far from the school, but had to cross a busy street to get to the school building and Oklahoma is very much oriented around vehicles. As with most elementary schools, there was a specific pick up process that involved long lines snaking through the parking lot and onto the main road. In an effort to circumvent the pick up line, several of the other moms and I would park in front of the school and wait in the lobby together. Often we were finishing up some type of volunteer project and stayed to visit as we waited. A type of support group developed in those moments as we gathered. We touched base about what our children were experiencing in their classrooms and sports. We discussed our own feelings about parenthood and life.

One afternoon the school counselor judged us to be helicopter parents and we were insulted by her labeling. Our kids were good kids and leaders in the school. How dare she take our presence to mean that we were overly involved in our children’s lives! Looking back, she was probably not totally wrong in her assessment, but the kids all turned out ok and are fully functioning adults. What she did not know was that we were not there to rescue our children, but to get some much needed support from other moms. This was before the days of the internet where affinity groups are at our fingertips. Most of us had stepped back from fulfilling careers to support our children and spouses. Those fifteen to thirty minutes were balm to our souls.

A few weeks ago I found our that one of those moms recently passed away. After the kids moved on to middle school, I lost touch with her. She divorced and had many struggles. I think about how much I enjoyed our conversations and am sad that I did not try to forge a more sustainable friendship with her. I miss those days of parenting side by side with my son’s friends parents. People will tell you how fast childhood passes as it relates to being a parent. What they do not tell you is how relationships change during those times as well.